Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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