I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
