batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize