Do you still have your period?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
