ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
