All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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