You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
