We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
