New invention idea: vibrating tampons
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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