it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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