A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
