I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so let's talk penis.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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