My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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