You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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