I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
