mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
