god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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