genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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