You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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