He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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