R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
