Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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