I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
