it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
