he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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