I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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