we have pet lesbian snakes
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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