fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this just has baby written all over it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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