He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
