like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
