can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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