covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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