Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
