The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
