can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
