Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize