i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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