there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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