Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
