That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
