a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
