There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
