she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
