think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
