Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
