just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
