quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
