He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
