Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
