i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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