This is not my ceiling
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
