i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
