im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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