from now on my penis is your penis
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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