you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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