If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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