I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
