If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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