sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
