My cat gives me a boner
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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