just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He passed out mid-signature
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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