We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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