Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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