barbara walters just said penis...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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