she was so not down for the gang bang
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
