theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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