I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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