I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
