I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
