What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
