Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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