no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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