I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize