Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
